What a Day...

It has been a while since i have written anything on here...Thanksgiving.  What does it men to you?  I miss my daughter, i miss my old life that i had even if it was not good, i still miss it.  I miss my old friends that i have left over the years all over the county.

It has been a hard day for me today...

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How Do You Feel...
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Life Coming At Cha...

We often have a picture of how our life should be. Of how we want it. perhaps we get it that way but we are not satisfied? We all have a picture of how we want it to be and if we get it that way, it tends to be destroyed by us or someone else. Perhaps we are at fault or the other party are at fault, who knows who it really is?

We can see it coming toward us in slow motion but there is nothing that we can do to prevent it from happening. though NO PART OF OUT OWN AND THROUGH ALL PARTS OF OUT OWN, We KILL THE LOVE AND COMPASSION THAT WE ONCE HAD TOGETHER. We can see it in slow motion with rose colored glasses to help, but they do not.

So now at these points in out lives we cant stand the other one. There's no love between us anymore. we just have to deal and live the best way we can. Try to remain civil and get on with our lives that have become broken...


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How Do You Feel...
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A Few Memories Of Mine...

When I was born, it was in Austin Texas. I was born at Seaton Memorial, which is no longer there. It has been torn down. We lived in campus housing there at UT and some apartments on North Lamar Blvd. They are still there. Soon afterward, we moved to Kirbyville Texas where I lived until my 8th grade year then I moved to Jasper to live with my mother and I graduated from Jasper High school in 1989.

Throughout my whole life I always wanted to live as far away from there as I could, I even said that I wanted to live in New Your City, I got very close to there, Massachusetts was about 5 hours from there. I also felt this incredible draw to Austin Texas. I did make it back to Austin, but it was not what I expected.

I was a big partier when I was about 18 years old until I was 29 and I decided to get my life straightened out. All the while, I always had the vision or dream if you will about if I was able to go and live in Austin that my life would be complete. I would have the friends that I wanted to have and the job that I needed, the girl, bla bla bla and so on and so forth. I can still picture that scene with me and my friends walking down a street in Austin laughing and joking with each other. I can still remember the clothes and hair that I would have as strange as that is.

Looking back on this dream, I can tell that I was part of my addiction manifesting itself at an early age. I was never really comfortable in my own skin even at an early age; I had friends and had what I wanted, but it was more than that. I was an unrest that I could never put my finger upon until later in my life after I got clean and sober. I have been clean and sober for over 5 years now. I did make it to my promise land, Austin, and the things that I sought after for so many years did not come to fruition. I was deeply in the throes of my addiction at that time and was miserable with myself and everyone around me.

Some good did come out of me moving to Austin, I did get clean and I did get married to a very special and wonderful person whom I love and admire. I have a wonderful daughter. I have a family of my own and even though at times it might be hard, I would not trade it for anything in the world. We have done more in the last 5+ years together then I could have ever have hoped for when I was out there suffering with my disease.



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How Do You Feel...
Let Me know...

Been A While...

It has been a while since my last post. It was hard for me Easter Day. Very hard. It was Easter 1 year ago that i was out in this area looking for a new home with my soon to be EX-Wife and daughter. It is funny how things can change in 1 years time. I know that it has taken more than 1 year for things to get like they are but that doesn't make it any easier.

I want to tell my ex how i feel about all of this and how she acts as if nothing can hurt her. Like she does not even care that i am leaving. I wonder if i could have done more than what i did or didn't do to make whit work. But in the end, it really does not matter. It is over and i accept it. She seems to be moving on with her life and making plans, why should i not do the same?

As my good friend told me, "This is the Summer of my life" about to begin...


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How Do You Feel...
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Thought For The Day...

"Which is more difficult, to awaken one who sleeps or to awaken one who, awake, dreams that he is awake - Søren Kierkegaard



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How Do You Feel...
Let Me know...

D.I.V.O.R.C.E.

Well, the big D work has hit me. I filed yesterday. I feel better than i have in a long time. A great weight has been lifted from me. I want to be amicable in this whole deal but a sleeping beast has been awoke...

Crazyness...

Things in life get all crazy and people get hurt!! Life gets in the way when you try to communicate and it does not work. Communication is the key to lots of issues and when you loose that, you have lost a lot more...

Good Music?

What happened to the day when an artist made an album that was good? I MEAN REALLY GOOD!! Peter Gabriel - "So" had like 5 number 1 hits on it and the rest was good! Not one damm song that sold a million copies. So much crap out today...

Hello and Welcome...

This blog has changed directions and now will be about my thoughts, personal and otherwise, about life, love, and death.