Looking Into The Distance...

Looking Into The Distance...
Originally uploaded by RMStringer

I have not written here in a while. Life still goes on and i am like a leaf being blown down the road and into the water.

Looking West off into the distance standing in the middle of HWY 255 on the southern end of Lake Sam Rayburn. I wonder where it will end or where it begins...

I am just caught in confusion and strange emotions today and i do not like it. The reality of me moving home after 8 years of being away and the loss of my job and my family in the divorce is really bothering me this evening. I miss my friends in St Louis and the activities that i did there with them...

I really miss my daughter Chelsea. That is the worst part of the divorce and moving away from there. I did not know how much of an impact that it was going to have on me...

Unopened Bloom

Unopened Bloom
Originally uploaded by RMStringer

This photo reminds me of what is happening in my life. I am like this flower as i am waiting for the right time to open up and see the Sun. I am waiting to feel its warmth and bask in its glow. I have yet another life to live now. Starting over and beginning to live another life in the continuing saga that has been my time so far...

New Life(s)

In the past 20 years i have lived more than a lot of people would have ever wanted to. I have been a party person, a student, a friend, a dad, a husband, a lover, a cheat, a lair, a thief. I have lived so many lives that i care and dare not try to name them all. I am now living another life that i thought would never happen; it was in my head that it could happen. I hoped that it would not come to what it had to before this happened to me.

Many lives that we all lead, this is one i did not want to ever have to live, a divorced 37 year old with no children of my own. Now i am faced with a very hard and strange choice. DO i want to have a child of my own with someone when and if i find someone special or do i want to stay a single man or married with no children and have they type of life?

I have a friend(s) that has a 6 yer old son and just had another baby at 40. He is a Doctor in Virginia. He has the means to live like that and have another kid at 40.

Living so many lives makes it hard to settle down and try to focus on a single life to lead when the time should come for that. I wonder where this life that i have now will lead me...


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How Do You Feel...
Let Me know...

The 3 of me...Who is Who?

The 3 of me...Who is Who?
Originally uploaded by RMStringer

Who is who? Which shadow is the true me or are they just former images of my true self? Perhaps they are three different sides of my personality all trying to come out and fighting for control of me? The center shadow surly looks like the dominate one out of the bunch but is the the right one...

Asking Questions

I asked her if she loved me on Sunday. She shows no remorse to the answer but stated that she did not, not love me, just that it is life and cut your loses and move on. If it hurts her, i cannot see it...

What machine we become. Are we all so tainted? In the business world that all she can see is loses and gains like on a business ledger? Life is, i guess a business in some aspects, but when we depersonalize to that extent, what is left? A business deal that feel through, a contract that was broken? I like to think that i am more than a balance on a ledger sheet in this world, but i guess that i am no more than that to her...


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How Do You Feel...
Let Me know...

Wondering...

Wondering...
Originally uploaded by RMStringer

It is just a little dark at the moment...

I stopped my truck on the way home last night. Took this pic of the gauges, GPS, and the road ahead. I wondered what was ahead for me. What is ahead for me in life? I have all the tools that i need to start this new adventure in my life. I wonder where it is going to take me and when it will happen? Like the song titled "How Soon Is Now?

Give Me A Break

I just wonder if at some point in this life, i can get a break. Stuff just tries to keep holding me back down all the time. Time is a factor that i do not have a lot of at this moment. The home i am supposed to move into has work to be done at with a little over 2 weeks for em to be able to move into. Inspections and all of that mess. Permits, yadda, yadda, what a nightmare this is turning into.

**********************
How Do You Feel...
Let Me know...