Life Coming At Cha...

We often have a picture of how our life should be. Of how we want it. perhaps we get it that way but we are not satisfied? We all have a picture of how we want it to be and if we get it that way, it tends to be destroyed by us or someone else. Perhaps we are at fault or the other party are at fault, who knows who it really is?

We can see it coming toward us in slow motion but there is nothing that we can do to prevent it from happening. though NO PART OF OUT OWN AND THROUGH ALL PARTS OF OUT OWN, We KILL THE LOVE AND COMPASSION THAT WE ONCE HAD TOGETHER. We can see it in slow motion with rose colored glasses to help, but they do not.

So now at these points in out lives we cant stand the other one. There's no love between us anymore. we just have to deal and live the best way we can. Try to remain civil and get on with our lives that have become broken...


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A Few Memories Of Mine...

When I was born, it was in Austin Texas. I was born at Seaton Memorial, which is no longer there. It has been torn down. We lived in campus housing there at UT and some apartments on North Lamar Blvd. They are still there. Soon afterward, we moved to Kirbyville Texas where I lived until my 8th grade year then I moved to Jasper to live with my mother and I graduated from Jasper High school in 1989.

Throughout my whole life I always wanted to live as far away from there as I could, I even said that I wanted to live in New Your City, I got very close to there, Massachusetts was about 5 hours from there. I also felt this incredible draw to Austin Texas. I did make it back to Austin, but it was not what I expected.

I was a big partier when I was about 18 years old until I was 29 and I decided to get my life straightened out. All the while, I always had the vision or dream if you will about if I was able to go and live in Austin that my life would be complete. I would have the friends that I wanted to have and the job that I needed, the girl, bla bla bla and so on and so forth. I can still picture that scene with me and my friends walking down a street in Austin laughing and joking with each other. I can still remember the clothes and hair that I would have as strange as that is.

Looking back on this dream, I can tell that I was part of my addiction manifesting itself at an early age. I was never really comfortable in my own skin even at an early age; I had friends and had what I wanted, but it was more than that. I was an unrest that I could never put my finger upon until later in my life after I got clean and sober. I have been clean and sober for over 5 years now. I did make it to my promise land, Austin, and the things that I sought after for so many years did not come to fruition. I was deeply in the throes of my addiction at that time and was miserable with myself and everyone around me.

Some good did come out of me moving to Austin, I did get clean and I did get married to a very special and wonderful person whom I love and admire. I have a wonderful daughter. I have a family of my own and even though at times it might be hard, I would not trade it for anything in the world. We have done more in the last 5+ years together then I could have ever have hoped for when I was out there suffering with my disease.



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How Do You Feel...
Let Me know...