Day 6

Day 6, a photo by RMStringer on Flickr.

Day 6

Rr255 & Hwy96

Rr255 & Hwy96, a photo by RMStringer on Flickr.

Rr255 & Hwy96

Site has MOVED:

PLEASE GO TO HTTP://RANDOMFALLINGTHOUGHTS.WORDPRESS.COM

I HAVE MOVED DUE TO MORE FUNCTIONALITY AND SLEEKER DESIGN.


NO MORE POSTS WILL APPEAR ON THIS SITE AS OF TODAY.


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Life...

I feel trapped by a system i didn't create.  My time at Lake Rayburn, id like to say was a favorable time, has not been as such.  There are bright spots in the 2 years because of people that i have met and or reconnected with.

Family issues that are a worsening situation with the impending death of my most beloved Grandmother has spurned sad feelings with family members.  Watching a person that raised you from 4 till you got your act together is a hard sight to take. Watching them become a far pale shade of a human being, once so vibrant and full of life, to a dieing husk of a former person is not a wondrous sight to behold.

Trying to make a life anew, once again, is tenuous at best in the rural, wooded area that is Lake Rayburn. With no big industry or prospects there of, one has to do what he or she can to make a living.

Living here makes me long for the hustle and bustle of the big metro areas that i once lived with culture and prospects of betterment to ones life unlike the sedate lake life. Ventures in a rural town are cumbersome at best because you are an outsider once again trying to break into the "Good Ole Boy" system that is in place. Where deals are cut at the deer lease and in the "religious" institutions of the city. A hand shake and a verbal contract do not hold up even for life long friends of "the family" as i have discovered.

Sometimes it is nice to go to a place where everyone knows who you are and who your parents are but then again, privacy is much preferred in the city life where you are just another face in the crowd...

SO i do hear distant voices calling from my past like echos from the Elder Gods of time immoral when we were a fledgling species.  Go forth and see what is out there, do not stay in your comfort zone(s) Go and make a life anew in a different place and Live, Live, Live...


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Recover and Addiction.

The last 5-6 posts about Recovery and AA or from my own personal experiences.   I wrote the series way back in 2007 while i was on Night Shift at Qimonda Semiconductor fab in Sandston Virginia.

I felt a need to put my self out there and if it helped just one person, then it was worth it to me...


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Trading Drugs? 3/4/08

While i am on the road going to work, i listen to the local radio station. They always play commercials to pay for their air time and i keep hearing one for substance abuse. A person will come on and say do you or someone you know use meth, or cocaine, or alcohol? IF you, you might qualify for a study to take a pill to see if it stops the cravings of the substance(s) you take. you will be compensated with money and travel time. Please call...

This just pisses me off to know ends. On May 5, 2008; i will be 5 years clean and sober and no, i repeat no PILL helped me stop! I was in rehab for 28 days straight and worked a good program for many years afterward to stop. I did not and do not take a pill to stay off drugs and alcohol. No one paid me to stop, i did it on my own.

My compensation for doing so is a clean, sober life. I do not have to get up and take my "no drugs" pill to stave off the cravings and insanity. But let me digress, without a spiritual awakening and the power of God; it would not have happened and or continue to happen. That is not to say i have to live my life "one day at a time;" i make future plans and i try to be the best person i can be and lead a clean healthy life.

So, i guess my point is, they might come up with a pill to make you not want to use anymore but who wants to be bound with a pill to stop taking drugs? SO you put down the crack pipe for a pill to stop; get the picture? If you want to get sober and clean it can be done. Ask for help and get into a 12-Step program that best suits you habit. AA, CA, NA, they are all good if worked correctly and with divine guidance and prayer they will and can work everyday. You can try the "pill" but you will only trade one substance for another, it might not be as bad; it might cost the same or more; you might fill the craving void, but it is not the correct way...

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Another Recovery Memory... 6/15/07

It was back in 2002 when I first tried to get clean. I remember going to several NA meetings and I thought that I liked them. So after a month or so, I asked a person to be my sponsor. His name was Wes or Officer Wes as he is known.

We decided to meet on the next after at a local cafe to discuss The 12 Steps and how I was going to go threw them with him. He gave me his number and told me that if I needed to talk or call him in a weak moment for me to do so no matter what time it was. That is what a sponsor is supposed to do for your information.

I thought that I was doing well and he and I proceeded to work me through the first 3 steps and we would meet regularly at his house or at the cafe. Then came that dreadful day after I had 3 months of sobriety that I had the dreaded "R" word...Relapse! For you see, that can happen if you do not totally put you whole body into the program of recovery. It happened because I still thought that I could drink and get away with it. I could not. For I thought that even though I new alcohol was not my problem, I could still drink like I was ok. For just placing one altering chemical into my body restarted the mental, physical craving that happened to me when I would ingest and use cocaine. Even though alcohol is legal, it is still a drug, plain and simple.

So if you are out there in Recovery land, do not delude yourself by think that you can drink but no do drugs. IT WILL NOT HAPPEN.

Also so as to not piss anyone off about the anonymity issue, I called him to ask if I could use his name in this blog post. He was most grateful to let me do it...

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